Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (R-OCD) – involves persistent doubt and worry about compatibility, attraction, and commitment within a relationship. Experiencing continuous worry or doubt in relationships is not always a sign that something is wrong with a relationship. But prolonged obsessional worry and checking behaviours could indicate that Relationship OCD (R-OCD) is causing relationship problems or difficulty with commitment.
The obsessional doubts, avoidance and checking behaviours can be distressing for both partners, leading to conflict, rejection and withdrawal. The continuous testing, questioning, comparing and withdrawing undermines the stability of the relationship and generates uncertainty that trigger further R-OCD behaviours. This can become so intense that it might feel easier to end what could be a healthy relationship rather than face the anxiety, guilt, responsibility and uncertainty.
R-OCD is maintained by an intolerance of uncertainty, perfectionistic thinking, unrealistic expectations/demands, and a high responsibility bias. R-OCD not only generates difficult feelings, but problematic behaviours and thoughts too.
You may obsess over your partner’s imperfections and/or your compatibility. You may obsess over whether they are actually good enough for you in some way. You may worry about your sex life and intimacy. You might obsess about ending the relationship or whether to progress towards more commitment to them. You might question your commitment to them.
At times your relationship worries may be seem so overwhelming you feel this is a sign to end the relationship. In common with other OCD problems, R-OCD is linked to unhealthy behaviours feeding into maintaining the problem. You may feel compelled to seeking reassurance from Google, friends and family about your partner/your relationship. You may even question your partner as a form of reassurance seeking. You might find yourself comparing your attraction, your partner and your relationship with others. You could be focussing on physical aspects of your partners appearance to justify the relationship in some way.
Conversely avoiding behaviours such as progressing to the next stage in your relationship can also maintain R-OCD.
Experiencing these difficult thoughts, feelings and behaviours can generate significant distress as to whether the relationship is right. Which serves only to risk generating more confusion, insecurity, withdrawal and conflict.
Research has demonstrated that CBT is the most effective treatment for R-OCD, using cognitive restructuring and exposure therapy to change difficult thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Therapy through this practice also incorporates latest therapeutic developments including Inference based CBT, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
